Monday, June 20, 2005

Dark shadows...

As I watched him stand by the lamppost with the collars drawn up to keep the cold and peering eyes away, I realised that along with the misty breath he let out into the dim light awarded by the street and a lone window above, which housed a familiar quarrelling couple, so familiar that one never stopped and looked around with an attempt to pin the source of the sudden noise which could have been a gunshot, if we still believed that people owned muskets, or a vessel thrown to span a few meters and the dawning worthlessness of a marriage which was intended to keep them happy, in all that countable sources of light, Brince's breath stood heavy and grey and at places yellow where the heaviness managed to hold the lightness of sodium vapour lights, for that breath carried all the force of his patience and belief that she would come, although they all said she wouldn't and even those who mocked at him so long and sharp had left to find better and more responsive entertainment, although he knew that she was at a party tonight, although he knew that the silhouette he saw outside David's house was hers as it bent forward and kissed him and followed him into his house, although he knew that she had broken up with David and was seen on Sly's arm yesterday, Sly's silver covered arm which also helped cover those hit marks, although he knew it all, although he knew her promise of coming was in the same tone with which she had promised the pastor his twenty hail Mary's, he waited and would wait as long as his breath could hold itself up in front of him in the light that shone from above, for all that lay beneath that breath was dark and dead and he feared walking away from under the post, feared that he might find his heart amidst the morbid remains of his life....

15 comments:

  1. wow...readitinasinglebreath..phew!

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  2. your posts are getting better by the day!:) really nice Eroteme

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  3. Dear Ammani,
    Nearly wrote it in one... why do you think I stopped with a trailing "..." ;-) ? Glad it made you go "wow".

    Dear P,
    Are they? Seems like you are telling me something here... ;-) Thanks. Glad you find them getting better...

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  4. If not long posts, long sentences eh?:P just kidding.Nice work as always.

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  5. Really Good. I didnt get this particular line
    "he feared walking away from under the post, feared that he might find his heart amidst the morbid remains of his life....
    "

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  6. "feared that he might find his heart amidst the morbid remains of his life...."

    a poignant transition in anyone's life,
    when the heart re opens

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  7. "realised that along with the misty breath"
    "Brince's breath stood heavy and grey "
    "for that breath carried all the force of his patience"
    "he waited and would wait as long as his breath could hold itself up"
    "for all that lay beneath that breath was dark and dead"

    - And you made me read all that in one breath, given my condition!! Not fair..;)

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  8. Dear W,
    :-) Can't help it, dear, really can't. I am not strong enough to stop the pen!!!

    Dear GI,
    Thank you. Ummm how do I put it? At times it is easier to live in an illusion than face reality, for reality has nothing to offer you, but illusion does.

    Dear NoTR,
    :-) I am glad that came across...

    Dear A,
    It is flattering to know that I can leave you breathless ;-)

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  9. Poignant.Nice play of words.

    Do you still update your other blog?

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  10. Dear KK,
    :-)

    Dear mystic,
    Thanks. I wish I could update the other blog. I do have all the material on paper and some on the comp. but I suppose I am plain lazy and yielding to popular reading preferences... :-( Will update soon with the translations to the other verses...

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  11. dear eroteme,

    That sentence has the desired effect on me as a reader when you decided to write it without a period.
    The tension and the build-up is awesome.

    I really think you are one hell of a writer!

    Man, we should meet up sometime. can u e-mail me your number? My e-mail ID is abhilash.warrier@sifycorp.com

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  12. i liked your previous post, eroteme...the part about the fan. nice.

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  13. Dear AW,
    Thanks. Wow! You really are kind with your compliments... and, gee, I don't know what to say.. thanks... I shall write to you soon, but I might not be interesting to meet. :-)

    Dear TRV,
    Wow! When another blogger told me that there are many who come and read my blog but don't comment, I didn't believe him. I was happy believing that I had only 5-10 readers. I might start out doing that (believing him) soon.
    Glad you liked the previous post. I might never be able to repeat that. That was a moment of spark. This was close to what another blogger (Amrita) loves to call the stream-of-consciousness writing... I just wrote this one and wrote and wrote till I was out of breath... :-)

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  14. Parvati12:34 PM

    @Eroteme:
    An Exciting style of writing, and of course the beauty that is always inherent in most of your creations!
    A pleasure to visit your blog.

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