Thursday, January 19, 2006

From the diary of a cuckold...

Jan 19th 1937

In disgrace I find strength. She must think of me at least before the creepers of the night entangle her in the affairs of her manufacture. She must think, "How useless he is" or "And to think he doesn't know about Raj or Shikast or Assadullah or the many who have let their inadequate imagination abrade the adequacy of their manliness." And then the night consumes her, rather she consumes pawns in the span of a night.

But I know.

I know every skin that stuck to her navel when she steeled herself under the throes of unfaithful pleasure - the greater she strived for rigidity, the greater the pleasure that reverberated in the nether folds of her being... resounding with my disgrace.

But that is how she loves me, why else would she strive so hard to insult me? She thinks that in grinding my honour and self-respect between her abdomen and a strange, though virile, one, she could break me under her foot - stray glass on the corridor. But she can't and in not being able to do so, she strives harder. To shatter me, to make me fall at her feet, to lick beneath her toenails... and thereafter she will love me, her lover who has emptied himself of all pride only to be filled with her love. But I shall hold this up for a longer while. I shall prolong the final outburst of ecstasy, like every man learns on the first night in bed with his wife who dotes on him, but loves him not. For without such disgrace, without pride ground to fine powder which fills the air, there cannot be love...

6 comments:

  1. Ooooooh! Eroteme, what space inside yourself are you in to dish out such darkness, such a night of a post? What's with you nowadays?

    Compelling though it is, beautifully complex though the thought is, what you have written is surely not for the faint-hearted...

    "For without such disgrace, without pride ground to fine powder which fills the air, there cannot be love..." - this exalts the whole otherwise-pitch-dark post to the effulgent brilliance of the truth about love...

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  2. And the image that you have used for this post! - can anything be more sinisterly congruent to the special vibration of your dear "Diary of a Cuckold" ?
    Good work. Keep it up.

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  3. The dates - Coincidence? *grin*

    WHY?

    Why is man intoxicated with ...

    "I shall prolong the final outburst of ecstasy, like every man learns on the first night in bed with his wife who dotes on him, but loves him not. For without such disgrace, without pride ground to fine powder which fills the air, there cannot be love..."

    Why do men marry women who dont love them and have mistresses?

    Why do women consent to being mistresses?

    So that great love stories may be written? It SUCKS ...

    If as you say love is realized when man's pride is humbled; I would say that it is not love but a hollow victory for a shallow woman and the sad story of a boy who never grew up.

    If when a man looks into the eyes of the woman he loves and sees his dignity reflected in her eyes, there's love - Love does not humble but lives in dignity and respect.

    My perception :-) C ya

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  4. Dear P,
    Darkness is the present flavour! :-) The picture helps too... ;-)

    Dear L,
    I simply saw the date in the system tray and added a 1937 to it! :-) The interactions of man and woman are definitely interesting... I vote neither for your view nor what the man in the post says... Dignity is of the self and I do not have much regard for the self/ego. I don't have much regard for a contorted view of things to suit oneself (which the man holds)... I simply listen and shake/nod my head... :-)
    If you speak to violinist or a percussionist or any involved artist, s/he would tell you that there is this particular phase when s/he was lost to their artwork (playing the instrument or painting). The satisfaction that is derived thus is only known to few (it cannot be argued or rationalised). In love, holding an "I" has its issues... so I have observed... ;-)

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  5. Anonymous9:36 AM

    Hi E,

    "Dignity is of the self and I do not have much regard for the self/ego. I don't have much regard for a contorted view of things to suit oneself (which the man holds)... I simply listen and shake/nod my head... :-)"

    I revere this :)

    -S.

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  6. "In love, holding an "I" has its issues... so I have observed... "

    I fully agree with you. This post totally appeals to my (common?) sense! :D

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