What would I do without a mind?
What would I do without a society to shape that mind?
To influence it?
To taint it?
To glorify it?
What would I do without the memories of such glory and such tache?
An orphan on a deserted island, with nothing from the outside world, save the produce of Nature which surrounds me.
I suppose I would be free....
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
I love you?
Through the winter night To a fading moon I ask: Why did she think so?
Nice. But I would have preferred a haiku that did not depend on its meaning to its explicit title.
Also, don't you think that the last line would be better as 'Why do you think so?' 'Did' and 'she' somehow make it heavier...
The image is lovely; but the alt? - anything is left unsaid here? The moon seems to have expressed her assumption that the protagonist loves her clearly enough, and the latter too seems to be having a full blown discussion with her.
Most probably you may clarify my ignorance on this, if any...
Dear S, Glad you found it to your taste. There really is no anecdote or story. I was having dinner and watching a movie on HBO when this thought flashed and I put it down on this blog. :-)
Dear P, Though this has the form of a haiku, it probably isn't. But then it could be if you consider this (the 4th one) a haiku. "Why do you think so?" is an option too but it wasn't when I wrote it. Perhaps I like it better now. Perhaps I don't know. The thought that passed through my mind was different and your suggestion wouldn't fit in. There is a lot left unsaid. The moon is not what he loves (or maybe he does). He is thinking of someone else who thought/felt/said that he loves her, and the "protagonist" wonders throughout the night as to what made her think so. The very act of spending an entire night on that, to me, is a loving gesture, but that gesture is not spoken nor does he realise it, hence, the things left unsaid.
Your explanation enabled me to indeed see the haiku in a totally beautiful light as against the most foolish one that I had assumed prior to it.
The uncertainty, the gentle pondering pensiveness in the protagonist is in itself most beautiful, like a palm touching and patting the surface of a still water-space like a lake, not digging into the water, not dipping into it.
It is a perfect haiku. I take back my first comment that I made for this post.
Gentle, subtle, slow - all the necessities of a perfect haiku are indeed here...
'Through the winter night To a fading moon I ask: Why did she think so?'
You know what, in order to avoid misunderstanding of the haiku, as I did, maybe you should say something to mean what you actually mean here - 'gazing at the fading moon I ask myself'
as in like this
'Through the still winter night's fading moon,I wonder: why did she think so?'
Love it! Love it! Love it!!!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you have a nice little anecdote or a story or something that made you write these three lines.
For me, "she" here is Morning star.
:-)
Sookie
Nice. But I would have preferred a haiku that did not depend on its meaning to its explicit title.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't you think that the last line would be better as 'Why do you think so?' 'Did' and 'she' somehow make it heavier...
The image is lovely; but the alt? - anything is left unsaid here? The moon seems to have expressed her assumption that the protagonist loves her clearly enough, and the latter too seems to be having a full blown discussion with her.
Most probably you may clarify my ignorance on this, if any...
Dear S,
ReplyDeleteGlad you found it to your taste. There really is no anecdote or story. I was having dinner and watching a movie on HBO when this thought flashed and I put it down on this blog. :-)
Dear P,
Though this has the form of a haiku, it probably isn't. But then it could be if you consider this (the 4th one) a haiku. "Why do you think so?" is an option too but it wasn't when I wrote it. Perhaps I like it better now. Perhaps I don't know. The thought that passed through my mind was different and your suggestion wouldn't fit in. There is a lot left unsaid. The moon is not what he loves (or maybe he does). He is thinking of someone else who thought/felt/said that he loves her, and the "protagonist" wonders throughout the night as to what made her think so. The very act of spending an entire night on that, to me, is a loving gesture, but that gesture is not spoken nor does he realise it, hence, the things left unsaid.
Fair enough. Thanks for the amorphous (;-) haikuish) clarity, if we may excuse the seeming oxymoron that such a description would be.
ReplyDeleteYour explanation enabled me to indeed see the haiku in a totally beautiful light as against the most foolish one that I had assumed prior to it.
ReplyDeleteThe uncertainty, the gentle pondering pensiveness in the protagonist is in itself most beautiful, like a palm touching and patting the surface of a still water-space like a lake, not digging into the water, not dipping into it.
It is a perfect haiku. I take back my first comment that I made for this post.
Gentle, subtle, slow - all the necessities of a perfect haiku are indeed here...
'Through the winter night
ReplyDeleteTo a fading moon I ask:
Why did she think so?'
You know what, in order to avoid misunderstanding of the haiku, as I did, maybe you should say something to mean what you actually mean here - 'gazing at the fading moon I ask myself'
as in like this
'Through the still winter
night's fading moon,I wonder:
why did she think so?'