Saturday, January 22, 2005

Sweet nothings...

Today I received an invitation from a good friend of mine. She is getting married in a week or so. One of the finest women I have ever known. I had the strangest relationship with her. We would strive to be formal, which we realised pretty effortlessly (but strife was evident in another fashion). We mostly interacted on academic issues and departed after a solution was reached or none seemed attainable at that point of time. She was a fairly good student. She had the whole department at her feet. I suppose she was and still is beautiful. (It is surprising how physical beauty blurs out when a person seems wonderful as a whole. I would never be able to answer "Is she beautiful?" about a person whom I have known pretty well.) The one thing I liked about her was that she kept to herself and only let whom she chose, close to her. Maybe it was an honour to be one of them (to a certain extent). She was aware of the effect she had on all the guys around her, but she never let that affect her persona. She was the same whether someone liked her or not. To some, her exterior was too cold and some even termed it as airs. I once asked her, "What is it? You think you are too good to involve yourself in these things?". She said, "No." That was usually the extent to which she would talk. She would never bank on the effect she had, and ask people to do favours for her. She was pretty self-sustaining in a spiritual (no, no. Not that halo stuff) way.

Through the course, our conversation was driven by necessity and purpose. In the final semester, we had a lot of time on hand and circumstances brought us occassionally to a table and let us talk. It was then that I realised that she was far from cold, quite sensitive on the contrary. She loved a lot of things around her and was quite childish at heart. For reasons that surprise me till today (an exalted Venus?) she never expressed interest in any guy. So many suitors around her and none worth her attention. She once told me playfully, "-----, none of them are good enough or the kind I would be interested in", and started laughing. I couldn't help see the sincerity and truth she held in that statement. It hurt slightly that she never considered me even close to her mark!! :-( She wasn't even keen on finding herself a guy. After we departed from our alma mater, we, surprisingly, grew closer and held wonderful conversations in which she let me into whatever she chose to reveal. It is difficult to let a woman as fine as her to the care of someone I know nothing about.
I believe she told me things she hasn't told anyone else (I asked her on a matter or two and she was very uncomfortable in admitting that. I never questioned her in this regard thereafter). I also made her do things she wouldn't have done for a million dollars. Like making her sing! I had to practically beg her to sing. No, she didn't have a good voice, but I simply wanted to hear it. And it felt nice to know that she would do something for me which she wouldn't do for anyone else. She had this song which she liked a lot. She would ask me to sing it for her occasionally. I have never refused her, her request. Once, a bunch of guys in a typical boyish fashion started clapping in the middle of the song to shut me off. I laughed at that and decided to stop (it was something everyone did). She turned to me and asked me to continue and later expressed disgust at the immaturity of those guys. I was surprised for a moment.
She is by far one of the only persons I have known whom I hold in an awe which has no tangible reasons. I had told one of my closest friends that I wanted two daughters, the older one, lovely, soft spoken, intelligent, deep, enchanting, soft tintinnabulations rolling forth as laughter, big eyes, patient, .... well, so much like this friend of mine. The second one must be a brat!
On the last day at our alma mater, I asked her to join me for lunch at one of our favourite joints. It was a lunch of which I have no recollection!
:-( On our way back, she told me something which caught me off guard. Nothing fancy but something which revealed her perspicuity of the world around her. I was touched to know that she cared enough to even notice and then let me know.
I sat back forlorn and at once happy for her while I read her invitation. She truly deserves the best, but I am yet to find a man who I can safely say, deserves her. I wish her the best for future.


  1. :-)

    u sing !?
    [completely off-topic, i know]

  2. Anonymous11:01 AM

    U sing.

    Sometime, some story, where neither the girl nor you leave each other ever?

    The heart seeketh a good old happy-ending romance instead of this everpresent scenery of wistfulness of arrivals and departures of varied personalities on the horizon of Eroteme's good life...

    Just a simple wish! Don't beat me up!! :)